Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
