I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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