Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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