I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
