so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
