It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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