My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
