just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is the high leading the old right now
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
