she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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