i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
