i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
