Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
