I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
