I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
