Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
