I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
