none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
