She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
