i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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