Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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