I understand Curling. That high.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
