So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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