dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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