One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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