the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is the high leading the old right now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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