Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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