i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
