I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
