so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
