That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
