Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
