Well douche your snatch and let's go!
...so i touched it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
