chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
