I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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