I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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