I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
