woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
