You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
