this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
