Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
