Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
