i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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