he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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