i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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