If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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