listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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