last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
