I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
