when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
