I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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