Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
