All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The Olympian is in my bed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
