"it" just moved
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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