Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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